NNAOPP Update
April 2013
A few weeks ago I was riding my
bike back to our condo on a sunny day after shopping at the Sunday morning
farmer's market. I stopped at a
roadside lemonade stand operated by three kids. I made my purchase and chatted with the two fourth grade
boys and the five-year-old sister of one of the boys.
I know their ages because the
little girl asked me to guess hers.
I offered, "Seven", and she said, "No you silly! I'm only
five!" I then asked them to
guess my age, and they eagerly examined my facial features and said,
"42." I'm sure it would have been bad form to adopt them at that
time, but that is what passed through my mind. I told them my real age, and one of the boys said, "I
wouldn't mind being old someday, just not too soon." I thought to myself that the lad is
wise beyond his years.
He asked me what I did for a
living and then said, "No, wait! Let me guess." Apparently business was slow, and it
appeared to be a good day for making guesses. He opined, "I'll bet you're an audio engineer, and you
work in a studio." He
continued, "Did you know they have a contest for whoever invents the best
tasting potato chip flavor? And do
you know what won? Waffles! Can
you imagine that? The prize was
one million dollars. That's what I
want to be when I grow up."
Another Clark Griswold in the making.
He was in an expansive mood so he
went on to tell me that his Mom was a writer, and then quickly listed her many
titles. I told them that strange
as it might seem, I too was a writer.
They inquired further, and I told them that I had just completed a draft
of a children's book aimed at kids age 3-6 called The Little Magic Princess
Girl. I told them it was about
a little girl who could swim in the sea like a tuna fish and flitter in the sky
like a chickadee and who lived on Sanibel Island. The 5-year-old appeared genuinely interested and said,
"I think I would like that book."
Now that my market research is
complete, I may just proceed with this new venture and engage the services of
an illustrator. I bid adieu to the
little tykes and pedaled out of their lives forever.
It's tick season at the farm, so
I've taken a new precaution against the noxious critters based on an article
sent by a friend indicating they most often invade your personhood from the
ground. I tuck my pants leg into
my socks then wrap the seam with duct tape with the adhesive side out. Clearly style points are conceded
with this arrangement as my pants legs blouse out well above the top of my boot
offering a look few nonpareil nerds could match. My bowleggedness was helpful in keeping my ankles from
sticking together.
I drove into Lawrence so attired
along with my Big Smith bib overalls, Red Wing steel toed work boots, and Stihl
day-glo ball cap to buy fuel. As I
entered the front door of the store to pay, I received a friendly and polite
nod from a pretty young lady who was passing the other way. Then, her gaze strayed downward towards
my duct taped fashioned knickers, and her demeanor changed to an uncomfortable,
pitiable glare, and she quickened her pace away from me. All I was lacking was an aluminum foil
hat.
I just returned from an NNAOPP
speaking engagement at the Springfield (MO) chapter of Mature Learners, hosted
by my alma mater, Drury College. I
didn't exactly know what to expect, but it seemed fairly certain that Mature
Learners is a euphemism for really old people. Much to my surprise, I surveyed the audience and found most
of them younger than I, indicating a need on my part to recalibrate my thinking
about the definition of really old.
The event went reasonably well, and I sold 13 copies and received an
invitation to return to speak at a local book club.
Sales are now at 1,233, and I'm
still plugging away. Thanks again to
all of you who wrote a kind word on www.goodreads.com and for your indulgence
as I continue my shameless huckstering.
