NNAOPP
Update
October
2014
Words
I've always enjoyed learning new
words. The English language is
uncommonly generous in its offerings, so I often encounter something new in my
readings that sends me to the dictionary.
In order to imbed these new treasures, I quickly endeavor to put them to use. While reading Zane Grey's The Rainbow
Trail, published in 1915, I encountered the word 'revivify', a fanciful
upgrade for the more banal 'revive'. Some may have noticed that I invented an
occasion to use it in a recent NNAOPP update.
Recent readings introduced me to
an uncommonly cool word, callipygian, meaning, having well-shaped
buttocks. This appeared in a
non-fiction account of Theodore Roosevelt's days as police commissioner of New
York c. 1895, Island of Vice.
The author described the naked, golden statue of Diana perched atop
Madison Square Garden as, "particularly comely and callipygian with
breasts like tangerines." I
immediately Googled the word and learned that it means having well-shaped
buttocks, making it imminently useful for future purposes.
Callpygous also caught my
attention owing to its similarity to another arcane word that tickles me,
steatopygia, defined in Webster's as an extreme accumulation of fat on or about
the buttocks. For aging KC Royal's
fans who may remember Hal McRae, it's not difficult to envision him running to
first base at full speed with a champagne flute situated on his shelf-like
buttocks, spilling nary a drop. I can't explain the abundance of five-dollar
words with Greek origins describing buttocks given the paucity of monikers for
other body parts.
*****
Royals
Speaking of the Royals. After 29 years in the wilderness, the
boys in blue pulled off a magical October. Imagine what might have been had third base coach, Mike Jirschele,
gave Alex Gordon the green light as he rounded third on the misplayed double. There were two outs, home team down by
a run, bottom of the ninth, seventh game of the World Series. If he's out sliding into home, the
outcome is the most exciting denouement in World Series history. If he's safe, the Royals tie the game
on an improbable inside-the-park-home-run. The crowd erupts, and the jubilant, storybook
ending no one would have envisioned three months earlier would surely have
ensued. It was still pretty darn
sweet.
We were privileged to witness the
event along with all of the home post-season games excepting the first game
loss against Bumgarner. One of my
many memories of the October run occurred as Judy and I were driving home after
the Wednesday afternoon game when the Royals beat the Orioles 2-1 to win the
American League pennant. We were
directed to a route opposite of our destination taking us onto old Highway
40. There, we observed a bevy of
scantily clad beauties waving Royal's flags standing outside a windowless box
of a building.. I noted innocently,
"Judy, look even the strippers are going crazy for the Royals."
Judy responded in a mildly
accusatory tone, "How do you know they are strippers?"
I murmured inaudibly, knowing
fully the best response was no response.
But I thought to myself, "There are more than a few subtle clues
dearest. If the 'Bambi loves Hos'
sign' weren't sufficient, I'd go with the flashing 'Nude Dancers' beacon."
At the very least, future travels
while wearing my old, green KC hat should no longer engender puzzled queries about
the Knights of Columbus.
*****
Coyotes
A few weeks ago we hosted an
event at our farm attended by many children and their parents. I was wearing my standard farm outfit
of bib overalls and a gray Carhartt jacket. I chatted with one of the Dads, an architect whose 7-yr-old son
was in the vicinity. We stood by
Ft. Waverly and the nearby teepee.
He was complimentary about the fort's design, and he asked about the
teepee. I told him that I had slept
in it the preceding weekend, and added, "It was a bit chilly and around
2:30 am I was awakened by the exchanges of hoot owls that seemed to have me
surrounded. Later, I heard the
piercing yips of a band of coyotes coming from the distance."
I didn't think any more of this
conversation until a thank you note arrived from the same man. Among other things it said,
"Our oldest son had a great time and kept talking about the 'farmer guy'
who sleeps in the teepee with the hoot owls and coyotes." I like his version better.
*****
Titles
In case you have the urge to
parade nude in public at a time and place other than Mardi Gras in NOLA, please
be advised such behavior is legal in Topeka. I recently heard an interview with the goofball who has been
walking around Topeka unclothed.
The police were unable to charge him with a crime as the city fathers
must have missed this particular peculiarity in writing their laws for the past
175 years. It's plausible that it
just hasn't come up. I very much
like the ring of "Legal in Topeka" and will peruse a possible purpose
for this title.
Over breakfast recently, a good
friend was describing his recent efforts de-cluttering his home. He was using Craigslist, ESPY, and
other means of selling and giving away stuff. I asked what he intended to do with the proceeds. "More and better wine," was
the understandable reply. From
that came, "Waterford for Wine." Surely there is a use for this.
*****
Post Office
I journeyed to our neighborhood
post office to mail a copy of my book to an eager reader. The nice lady behind the counter
inquired as to the content of the package, and I told her it was a book.
I am an inherently shy person,
but I noted that I was the only customer in line so I uncharacteristically chose
to be chatty and added, "Don't you recognize me? I'm the non-famous author of that book."
She politely took the bait, and I
told her the title. She said,
"That sounds interesting."
And she started to write it down on a little yellow post-it pad,
stopping only to ask how to spell 'peculiar.' She inquired how she'd find a copy. I told her it was available at Bruce
Smith Drugs and on Amazon. Then the clerk at the next counter weighed in,
"I think I'd like that also.
How much does it cost?"
Upon learning that this literary treasure could be had for the low, low,
everyday price of $10, she said she'd buy one.
Pleased at this unexpected
response, I told them to hold on, as I only live a few blocks away. I left for my fulfillment center,
picked up two copies, returned, signed them, and walked off with sufficient
funds to buy lunch. What a great
day.
*****
It's not too soon to start
thinking about that perfect Christmas gift for someone you truly loathe. Copies of the fourth printing of NNAOPP
are in inventory awaiting a new home.
My able fulfillment center staff stand ready to handle the anticipated seasonal
demand.
Go Royals 2015.
Chuck
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